Woke up on time today. Managed to still somehow be 10 minutes late to get to my cousin's house. Still an improvement from Friday. Was 20 mins late Friday. Felt really bad about it too. But as always, my tardiness is once again seen as deliberate defiance. If only they knew.

The icing on the cake this morning (its different every day) was while I was at the kitchen counter getting my meds out this morning, a sampling of pills that would put an 86 year old woman to shame. My morning routine (placing my many Rx bottles on the counter, lined up, with the pills perfectly in alignment with each corresponding bottle, to make sure I take them all as directed, and actually remember taking them) was completely disrupted by a 'simple task' that my father requested of me. He asked me if I could "move down about a foot?" in that irritated grumpy, morning voice that he so frequently shares with my mother and I (much to our dismay) at that hour of the morning. Frustrated, since my whole set up needed to be moved, I picked up a bottle of my medicine. But lo and behold, I started ticking. Darn it, I thought. I could see his lips pursing and his furled brow. An obvious reaction to the amount of time I was taking, due to my need to tic, to move my medicine, so that he had room to read his newspaper. He, however, would not say anything about the amount of time it took to let my tics out for that moment. On the exterior, he was visibly annoyed; but on the interior, he was empathetic, and would never say something as insensitive as "can't you just stop doing that and move already?!!" So while I took my 30 or so seconds of flailing my arm around, squeaking, and some weird stretching tic that has recently developed (yeah, they do that), he kept silent. And when I was done, I moved everything like he asked. Then set it up again, just like it was...just like it is, every morning.

That 'simple task' that my father had asked of me?? Well, as a general rule, most tasks are not so simple for me.

Most are accompanied by some sort of obsessive thought, compulsive checking and/or re-checking, usually some sort of concern as well. All are intrusive, unpleasant, take extra time, stressful;
and a normal occurrence for me.

Along with those constant thoughts and behaviors, come more tics. And when I tic more, several things also happen.

Stiffness. I don't sleep well. Actually, let me rephrase that. My sleep patterns are horrific. I often wake up in the middle of the night, stiff from the position I am laying in, or sore from laying on one side, my right, to try to control my ticking so I can sleep. Sometimes my neck decides that it has had enough for the day and that it is going on strike for the rest of the night, hence weakness and extra needed neck support. And the mornings are always unpleasant. Every morning, I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I can never get comfortable, and when I find a semi-decent sleeping position, after about 10 minutes, I get too sore and stiff again, and need to change my conorted position to something more tolerable, for the time being. Hence, due to my body's complete exhaustion by 6am, I sleep through all of my alarm clocks, every morning.
Pain and soreness from repeating my tics over and over and over and over and over and over and over....
you get the picture...all day, every day.
I also get exhausted. Think about it. I am constantly moving, all day long. If its not one tic, its another. Try it. Sit and lightly tap your foot for a half hour. Is your foot, or maybe your ankle or calf muscle, tired? Well double, even triple, the intensity, and continue to do it all day long, not just for 30 minutes. Oh, and add some more motions and some sounds to it. Go ahead and quietly clear your throat and about 2 to 3 times a minute blink one eye with a squeeze. Don't forget to keep tapping your foot...all day. Let me know how you're feeling after a few hours.

I have several tics that tend to migrate and as some get worse, others may improve. They are as follows:

Vocal tics:
*Squeaking. No, thats not a mouse you hear. Its me.
*Glutteral sniffling in the back of my throat at the base of my nasal passage way.

Motor tics:
*Stretching and flexing my jaw muscles and forcefully sliding my jaw to the right of my face, stretching out my neck and shoulder muscles (mainly the platisma), often popping my jaw joint, and tightly winking my eye, due to the muscle strain in that area of the face.
*Shaking my left leg up near my hip area. Pretty unnoticeable unless I am trying to dance to any sort of choreography. haha Sets me a little off from the rest of the ensemble, needless to say.
*Flailing, stretching, throwing, twisting, thrusting, and whipping my right arm into the air. Generally, it looks like I am trying to beat up the O2 around me, maybe an imaginary friend? Just kidding. I usually advise people not to sit on my right at the dinner table, or in the car, or anywhere for that matter. I don't want to be responsible for knocking anyone out. Pretty much, I will contort my arm into any position that will relieve the tension or impulse for my need to tic. This being my most severe tic, I usually use anywhere from 2 or 3 muscles when I tic, to 5 or 6, maybe more, as it progresses.
My complex motor tic. My worst enemy, but my closest familiarity.

Today, I am tired and sore. This feeling tends to happen a lot. And my tics are pretty bad today. Probably from the pumpkin chocolate chip pancakes my friend made me this morning. I didn't think about the chocolate while I was eating them. Of course, now, I am wishing I had skipped the chocolate chip pancakes, and gone straight for the Special K cereal.
That's another not so fantastic rule I must live by. No Caffeine. No stimulants. At all.
No chocolate. No Sweet Tea. No regular coffee or hot tea. No Hot chocolate. No Red Bull or any other energy drinks. No Diet Pills. I even have to stay away from certain vitamin waters that have taurine, guarine, or those other new fangled ingredients that pretty much mean the same thing as caffeine. If I am going to a dinner party, get together, or any other event, I always make sure that there is caffeine free soda or bottled water available. Those are safe.
If I have any of these or other stimulants, I am like the energizer bunny of tics.

My friends and I joke that I am "Twitchie-Mac-Twitcherton."
Its endearing the way they poke fun with me. I would be offended, however these are my friends.
The people that, despite my squeaky, sniffly, twitching and flailing of body parts, still love me. They still chose to be my friends. They still hang out with me...IN PUBLIC! haha And they actually admit that I am their friend. Often telling people what a wonderful person I am.
They are the wonderful ones!

Speaking of the wonderful ones, I am getting a call from one of them.
I shall return again soon!

Until then,

Twitch-fully Yours,

Joelle